http://approachanxiety.com/?p=62
One thing that stood out for me is "What has to change is your actions. What has to change is your habits."
This has been true for me but I see it in a different light. I'm always on auto pilot. Even in social interactions. It used to be that I would open and have fun. My sets would do well but I wasn't closing. It's like every night I went out, opened left and right, and leave empty handed. That was my auto pilot mode. I really had to take conscious steps to break out of it. I had to force myself to change my auto pilot mode and start closing. I'm still in auto pilot when it comes to day2s and so on. I still need to consciously tell myself, go on day2s, but it's hard. I hate sacrificing a day at the gym for a stupid day2.
"You will never have true confidence by telling yourself over and over and over that you are confident. You will never have confidence by reading a thousand books or going to a thousand workshops. The only way to get true confidence is by going out and doing it over and over. It doesn’t sound easy, does it? Maybe that’s the point."
Amen! Guys who believe in girls being already sold should read this over and over again. You can tell your self, "she wants to fuck me" to make yourself feel like the man, to make your self feel powerful, but in reality, being already sold doesn't matter shit. There is so much more you have to do from opening to close. I would argue that the guys who believes this doesn't get laid that much. If they did, they wouldn't be proud when a girl has high buying temperature. All of them have false confidcence.
Just like you'll never have true confidence in approaching until you do it a thousand times and you'll never be truly confident in pickup until you banged a shitload of women. There will always be doubts in your head about your abilities and how much choice you have with women. All of you, stop these delusions about already being sold and all game is inner game. If you don't have choice in women, you have no game and no amount of reframing can help you.
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15 years ago
3 comments:
You touched on several areas... One was whether to make a conscious effort in closing. How is that related to confidence? Are you saying you want competence more than confidence, like Mystery said over and over again?
I wrote that blog in a hurry so didn't really care about explaining things better.
Basically, for me to be really successful, I have to be on auto-pilot. So after I talk to a HB, i used to eject out of set and talk to another HB and another....... It was like I was running around the room opening every one and that's it.
I had to change that. So I made a conscious effort to ask for a number in most of my sets and after a while, it became my new auto-pilot mode. Now when I talk to a girl, I know when to ask for the number and it happens without any effort from me. It's like the conversation was flowing and the number came out, all natural. I suppose I'm confident about asking for numbers because I did it repetitively.
As for as Mystery's competence over confidence, I think it's not that bad of an idea. I haven't really worked on inner game that much. My confidence comes from doing thing repetitively and by understand how people behave. I think if guys really understood what's going on behind the scene in social interactions, they would be way more confident as well as calibrated.
You need a drink dude and be emotional... quit all these logics while you are sober!
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